Life can be difficult. We as fighters decide to make it more difficult by putting ourselves through the process of preparing to get in the cage, and then actually getting into the cage to fight someone who has been preparing to fight us. My recent training camp has been very up and down. I have days were I feel like I’m doing great, that everything is going as planned, I feel positive and think this is what I’ve been working for. I then have days where I feel like it’s my first day of training ever and I just want to break down and cry. But this is the process.
A fight to me is like going into battle. I need to be prepared for everything so that I am not caught off guard when things don’t go as I expect. In MMA, the unknown is what fears me the most. Will it go as planned? Will I get knocked out? Will I win? Will I have enough endurance? Will I get hurt? All of these negative and positive reminders played over and over in my mind during fight camp.
This was my first camp where I fully focused on my training. Being away from family and work helped me to train harder. The outcome of my fight wasn’t as planned and I am very disappointed in myself. I learned a lot about myself that night.
The worst thing for me is disappointing myself. Nobody knows how hard you work, what you sacrificed, and what it took to walk into that cage. When you fail in front of the world, nobody but you knows what went through your mind or how you feel about yourself but you.
The fight keeps replaying in my mind over and over. Ever punch I threw, every punch I took, all the thoughts going through my mind during the fight. My mind should have been clear that night. I can drill each minute through my mind again and again, but I need to take it as a lesson and improve on everything I did wrong and everything I did right. I am grateful for making it as far as I have and for what I have accomplished, but I know that I am better than this. I can’t make excuses for the outcome. Only one person can come out of that cage a winner. It wasn’t my night. Dwelling on the past doesn’t help your future. All I can do is keep drilling and working on making myself better for my future fights.